


forgive me seagull for i have sinned

by sierraadeux



Category: Monochrome - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fic of Fic, M/M, Metafiction, i guess this is really just a nightmare and i'm sorry, intoapuddle's monochrome inspired, wholesome crystal porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:03:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22309084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sierraadeux/pseuds/sierraadeux
Summary: To Dan, the box glows green and purple.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 20
Kudos: 57
Collections: from chromies with love





	forgive me seagull for i have sinned

**Author's Note:**

  * For [intoapuddle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoapuddle/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Monochrome](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19253134) by [intoapuddle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoapuddle/pseuds/intoapuddle). 



> Alternative summary:  
> In which Mile said: "you can go write some cursed content if you wish" in the puddle surprise discord chat. I said: "listen, I'm just saying monochrome dan and phil love those fucking green and purple crystals so much." To which everyone in the chat said: "NO SIERRA!" So naturally, as Eli so graciously named it, here's 'dnp fuck rocks the fanfic'....  
> It would be best to just, not read this honestly.

Fucking Phil is great. But Dan doesn’t think he’ll ever get rid of that thought in the back of his mind that reminds him, he is also fucking Seagull. 

Fucking Seagull is, also, great. 

It is especially great, in moments like this, where Dan can take the piss a bit. At least, that’s what he tells himself he’s doing. 

_He’s not at all serious about any of this._

He wasn’t serious about it when he opened a new tab the other night, tapping in a few key search words that _probably_ should have been done on incognito - just to see if they existed. 

Because when it’s two in the morning and Dan _might_ have been perusing a few of his favorite Sam and Mason fics, and the idea pops into his head - the incredibly cursed, but… _kind of hot_ , idea - Dan can’t get it off of his mind. 

He isn’t serious about it now, as he steps into Phil’s room with the _discreet shipping_ box tucked under his arm. 

To Dan, the box glows green and purple. 

_Okay, maybe he’s the slightest bit serious about this._

“I come bearing gifts,” Dan announces to Phil, who’s lounging on his bed, a book in his hand. The door is kicked shut behind him. 

“Gifts?” Phil quirks a brow, there’s excitement in his voice. He places his book on the nightstand, revealing the grin that’s stretching across his face. 

_Oh, this will be good._

At the last second, Dan thinks better of tossing the box on the bed next to Phil. He sets it down gently, then - in a move that’s definitely not safe, but Dan never claimed to not be a bit of a dumbass - he tosses the scissors from Phil’s desk at him. 

They miss Phil, _of course_ , thankfully, and Phil makes quick work of slicing open the tape that is keeping the box sealed shut. 

Phil could do one of three things: 

He could laugh, sending them both off into hysterics at the very notion of what Dan’s done, and then they would fuck. 

He could laugh, sending them both off into hysterics at the very notion of what Dan’s done before rolling his eyes and telling Dan to fuck off. 

Or, maybe… he wouldn’t laugh. _Okay_ , he would laugh a little, but that laugh would be a bit darker - dark how his eyes would go. And then they would fuck, _with_ the assistance of the two, slightly cursed, _kind of hot_ , things in said box. 

Dan knows which option he’s most keen for, _even if he isn’t serious about any of this._

There’s a splutter of a laugh when Phil gets the box open and pulls the two other rectangular boxes out. 

Dan’s ready for option one or two, waiting for the mood of the room to be switched to something more humorous - of wheezing and doubled over aching bellies - but that doesn’t come. 

Phil is sliding the glass dildo, the bright green one, out of its box and his eyes flick up to where Dan is standing by the bed. And- _oh_ , it’s option three. 

_Fuck yeah, it’s option three._

Phil’s eyes are dark, he’s licking his lips, and Dan… Well Dan is about to lose his fucking mind. 

In a good way, _he guesses._

“Open the other one.” Dan is almost surprised at how low and deep his own voice is. 

Phil as well, apparently, as Dan can hear the low groan coming from somewhere deep in his chest. If Dan wasn’t already hard ( _of course he was_ ) he is now. 

Dan drops down on the bed while Phil is getting the second box open, he shuffles up to Phil’s side on his knees - sitting flat on his heels. He picks up the green dildo as Phil is pulling out the purple one. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Dan.” Phil is shaking his head, the laughter is lighter now, filling the room as Phil clearly is debating his entire relationship. 

Phil is holding the other toy up in front of his face. Dan is stifling a laugh - he’s this odd mixture of feeling incredibly ridiculous and incredibly horny all at once. _Which,_ honestly, is a mixture of feelings he has a lot with Phil. They could be silly in bed. But this, this was peak silly debauchery on Dan’s part and he knew it. 

“Is this actual fucking amethyst?” It’s waved in front of Dan’s face, Phil almost bonking him in the nose with the action. 

A shit-eating grin spreads across Dan’s face, his lips are tight as he nods his head slowly. 

“Shame I couldn’t find an emerald one online, this is a great color though.” Dan looks down at the green dildo in his hand, like it was something precious, and not… a green glass dildo. 

Phil is still laughing. 

Dan’s hitching a leg over Phil’s lap, leaving Phil no time to respond as he’s quick to press the toy to Phil’s lips. They’re parted, because Phil was mid-laugh, but the sound dies in his throat the second the cold glass hits them. 

Dan can pinpoint the exact moment Phil’s jaw goes a hint slack, humoring Dan and letting him slip the tip past his lips. Or, well, with the look in Phil’s eyes, it’s definitely more than just humoring him. Dan whines. It’s high-pitched and loud, and it only takes a few motions of green glass in and out of Phil’s mouth for Dan to be way, _way_ too much into this. 

It was a joke. But like, a _Dan’s already almost coming just from the way his hand is pressed against the front of his joggers as he fucks Phil’s mouth with an emerald green glass dildo_ kind of joke. 

Ha ha. 

And by the way Phil is pushing back up against Dan - nearly dislodging Dan from his lap with every lift of his hips, the firm grip he has on Dan’s thigh is the only thing preventing the tumble - he’s not too far behind Dan. 

Phil’s hand on Dan’s thigh squeezes harder. His eyes, and the sound he’s trying to make around the toy, telling Dan to lay off for a moment. An absolutely disgustingly delicious wet sound fills the room as Dan pulls it from Phil’s mouth. There’s no sense of urgency in Phil’s eyes or his body language, so Dan revels in the way a string of Phil’s spit still connects the toy to his mouth as he slowly pulls it away. 

They both groan. Dan has to squeeze, _hard,_ at himself to stop from coming right then in his pants. He has to close his eyes as well, as much as he _really_ does not want to, because the look of Phil’s flushed, nearly fucked-out face has been known to push him over the edge more than a few times. 

“Absolutely not,” Phil says once he catches his breath. Dan pouts. Phil chuckles, shaking his head. 

Dan pushes his hips down for good measure. Phil meets the movement, his head making a soft thud as it hits the headboard, his hands gripping Dan’s thighs harder - pulling him closer. The amethyst dildo forgotten on Phil’s lap presses between them in a delicious way. 

“Why not?” Dan kisses along the line of Phil’s jaw. He can feel Phil’s blunt nails digging into his left thigh. 

“You’re ridiculous.” 

Dan makes his way down Phil’s neck, Phil’s annoyed tone and the desperate humming in the back of his throat are dichotomous. It makes Dan feel all the more cheeky as he kisses the words down his throat. 

“The emerald, to grant them calm. Th-” Dan isn’t able to finish his recitation with the way Phil is pushing him flat onto the bed, shutting him up with his mouth. 

“Actually shut up,” Phil says against Dan’s lips. 

“What? You’re not down for some fusion action?” Dan can’t help but snort as he rolls his hips up into Phil. 

“You’re the worst.” Phil pushes back. “The absolute worst. This is the most cursed thing you have ever done.” 

“Even more-”

“ _Yes_ , more cursed. So much more cursed.” 

“Mm,” Dan’s making his way down Phil’s back with wide open palms. “Please?” He squeezes at Phil’s ass for good measure. 

“I am _not_ entertaining this. Whatever this is.” His actions say otherwise as he moves with Dan, a back and forth of grinding against Dan’s crotch and his hand. 

Dan pulls out the big guns. 

“Please, baby?” 

Phil sighs, dropping his head into the crook of Dan’s neck. Dan can feel a rumble of a chuckle against his chest. Phil bites at Dan’s skin. 

Dan smiles, he’s won. 

“Alright, fine.” 

Purple was inside his heart. But also, his ass.

**Author's Note:**

> listen puddle, if you would like me to wipe this fic off the face of the universe I will do it happily just say the word. Thank you for monochrome it is truly a gift and I'm sorry that my gift to you in return is more like a curse. :)


End file.
